Where are you?

Where are you?

As a child I often used to experience the wonderment of existence, as if a curtain of light draped itself around me. I marvelled at so many things, but as I grew up, marvelled not just at the deeper realities of life, but at perplexing things I was told were simply the way things were. With the formation of the intellect, I also became absorbed by what on earth the 'I' was, which I carried around with me wherever I went. Beforehand, I hadn't wondered at it, I just experienced certain things without that reflective function of the intellect.

One day I could be happy, another day sad - but what was the constant behind it all, the witness? How could it be that I was apparently these different things, absorbed in these different states of mind? "Man is legion" is something Gurdjieff said about humans, how we think and feel one thing and then another, where we're not just one individual, but several, fighting each other for precedence. How we spin without control from one impression to another, like a spinning top.

This state of being taken in left, right and centre, by thoughts and visual impressions or things we hear (whether of this world or beyond!), is a constant stress, and has nothing to do with the silent witness, which is really where you are. Which is the you that silently records everything that happens to you.

It's a curious thing. If you close your eyes and take a deep breath, and let the world slip away, you might find that in fact, you don't know where you are. Where is the real you?

Is it really in your head, behind your eyes? Or is there something infinitely subtle which emanates from your heart area? Consciousness so fine and expansive, that it easily embraces the thinking part of you?

As you close your eyes and become aware of yourself, the self of you which is watching everything... do you even know who or where that is? Your thoughts certainly can't grasp onto it, as the infinite witness which is watching, is more subtle than what we consider a concrete thought.

Some might see the contradiction at this point, that I'm using concrete thought and language to try and paint an impression of something that goes beyond words. While that is a fair objection, it is also true to say, that it's possible to take a dip into the ocean, and come out of it again, but different (covered in water!)....

So where are you exactly?

And what does the answer to that mean, as related to you and your everyday activities, and all those things which capture you from moment to moment?

A sense of wholeness is a feeling of happiness, and anything that detracts from this generally leads away from contentment. This is why a life lead with a sense of integrity and self-respect, adheres more closely to a sense of wholeness - and happiness - which of course originally emanates from... the silent witness. It's important to remain strong in this, and not let the comparative ego, that is constantly comparing oneself against others, for example, from taking control.

It is all about being still.